I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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