i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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