Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
