yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ladies don't puke and tell
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
