I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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