i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
