david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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