I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
