fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
