i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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