what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Boobs are out for the taking
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
