My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
