Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
