it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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