I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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