OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
