I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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