my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
