I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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