Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
