his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
