I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
