Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize