apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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