chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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