I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
