She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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