Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
either way he was missing a nipple.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
