I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
