If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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