he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
