Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
