If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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