i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
