We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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