i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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