Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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