The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm having to shit out rocks
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
