I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
