we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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