He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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