...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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