Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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