It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
