Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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