:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
