once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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