five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
