Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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