I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
