Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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