just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
