i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
