Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
