you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
