If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
