dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
