do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
