Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
zippers are such a cool invention
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
