I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
