Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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