So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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