i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
