Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
