So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
