her vagine was all disorganized.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
