I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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