I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
