There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
