Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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