i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The power of my boobs compel you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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