So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
